quinta-feira, maio 05, 2005

Sometimes salvation

i simply hate almost every fucking thing about this life... It's pretty funny that even though i managed to operate such a big change in my life, and become such a different person everything seems to end up fucked up in the end... I used to be a junkie, so strung out that most of the times i couldn't stand up without falling down in a few seconds. I used to be an alcoholic, i used to do everything wrong... Now, things have changed and i'm a new man. I stay clean, i do my homework, i like my girl, i even take baths almost every day... And what for? It's strange but i always end up fucked... So ironic, that now, clean, sober, good, i have the worst insomnia case ever. I just can't sleep... Actually I sleep. But it's strange. It's always in the most unapropriated hours. And i feel like i'm floating all the time... It's like i'm not even here... I'm not anywhere... It gets me worried. I have fucked up evereything. I lost so many art classes that i don't think i can catch up anymore. I couldn't make it to any of the apointments i had this week... Nothing is working, and time is laughing at my expanse... Not so funny... What really annoys me is that it seems that it's a matter of fate... Like somethings can't be changed... Doesn't matter how much i try, everything goes wrong in the end... I hate it... And I'm trying... Harder everytime... And in the end, it makes no difference... Things are fucked... Sometimes i just wish i could stop the world for a while... But i can't... And i'm starting to hate it... From the bottom of my fucking gut... I wish I could let everything go, but i won't. Not me. I think I'll try even harder, and i'll force myself to fit into this world, but every fucking day i feel more and more that something isn't right...